Not me……….

 How are you today?

Not really~

Not really here

Not really there

Not really stupid

Not really loving

Not really hateful

Not really apathetic

Not really caring

Not really vengeful

Not really needy

Not really wanting

Not really needing

Not really hungry

Not really gluttonous

Not really wanted

Not really……..

kimsmith

june 2008

Gold Nude

S. Rungis

I am fire

in the water

falling over

the air

that breathes me,

annihilates me.

Dividing me,

divining me

from the

fog that

held me

once.

Now I

swim in

flames screaming

truths

I cannot hear

the sound inside me;

its silence

overwhelms me.

kimsmith

Flaming Love

Doris B. Lambling

Gidrius Varnas

I ate the food;

Drank the drink,

I knew I hurt.

Took the pill,

Kept the job,

I knew I hurt

Did the therapy

Talked words~

I knew I hurt

Stinging words

Did not know.

I knew I hurt

I made friends

Who held me close

I knew I hurt

I loved him

The present absence

I knew I hurt

Sumptuously I cooked

Fed with love

I knew I hurt

I heard their music

I played in looks

I knew I hurt

Not me,

I whispered

I knew I hurt

I worked hard~

I said healing!

I knew I hurt

I loved the one,

Dancing in time.

I knew I hurt

Struggling in the fray,

Fucking in the moments~

I knew I hurt

But, I did not know

Knowing.

One night

Someone came.

Seeing me,

Speaking my

Truth

Ripped through

My Soul

Curled up fetal

On the bed

I knew I hurt

Through the opening

Wind howls

Abrading the hurt

With caresses

That ached

And stung

And bristled

And rebelled~

Till silence

Held me close.

kimsmith

Street Abandon

Elly Simmons

John Running

Then I Met You

Thought that I’d be happy
Going to be so happy
Living life alone and never sharing anything

Thought that I was finished
Thought that I was complete
Thought that I was whole instead of being half of something

Thought that I was growing
Growing older, wiser
Understanding why this world held nothing for my spirit

Thought that I was destined
Destined to be nothing
Destined to be nothing in this world and then I met you.

I met you

Thought that God had failed me
Thought my prayers were useless
Thought that he would never give the chance for me to praise him

Thought the book was written
Thought the game had ended
Thought the song was sung and I could never sing another

Thought my faith was misplaced
Thought my back was broken
Broken by a weight that I was never fit to carry

Thought I knew this city
Thought I knew all about it
And then one night I went to Morningside and you were waiting

I met you

The Proclaimers

Bruce My Last Sigh Flickr

Steven Gelberg

Landscape

i have no words for this pain

that takes me from life

the living

the agony

has no outlet

no comforter

no listener

no compassion

this wordless soundless

wailing pain

that was so held

before this night

gone is the holding

gone is the loving

gone is what i

thought i had

i thought i knew

yesterday i knew

i could trust

i said allow yourself

to be loved

today

i am left

today

i do not

understand anything

myself

the news

the world

the leaver

my friends

yes, my friends

i have no friends for this moment

unless you count the dead

i am a shitty friend

reaping what is

scattered and returns

as my due

i trust that he had to go

i trust that he loved me

i trust that i drove him mad

i trust that he too is just as scared as i am……..

or at least i dream this

i cannot speak for someone else

though i try

though i wish

to box it all up

to make sense of the senseless

this mind that cannot grasp

being told

i never wanted this love you give

i feel self hatred

i do not know why

i do not know the source

i sit here in nothing drowning

what is this place?

i do not know it

road map please

or just take me away

now……..

kimsmith

march 2008

Q T Luong

Fountain Stanford University SF Bay Area California

Khuki

Anwar Hossaim

expect nothing. live frugally
on surprise.
become a stranger
to need of pity
or, if compassion be freely
given out
take only enough
stop short of urge to plead
then purge away the need.

wish for nothing larger
than your own small heart
or greater than a star,
tame wild disappointment
with caress unmoved and cold
make of it a parka
for your soul.

discover the reason why
so tiny human midget
exists at all
so scared unwise
but expect nothing. live frugally
on surprise.

Alice Walker

Creep into

My Maze

Leave me

Lost and Found

To see the way

Is truncated

Bifurcated

Desiccated

Until I see

That all is

Found in

All that is

Lost.

kimsmith

Darek Banisek

Image19

Our strangers

Dance their masks,

Swaying at the ball as

Drummers beat out

Secrets.

This self’s enigma-

Inhalation, faith,

Clarity, confusion-

Speaks loves mystery.

We wander in what is left…

Quivering in places~

Choices, walking blind

In the living fog,

Hearing the voices sigh:

Be

Action

Grasps

Towards

What is not

What never was

What never will

Be.

See.

kimsmith

Tree Pruitt

Restrictions