This Is

June 9, 2008


Not me……….



Not Really..

June 9, 2008



 How are you today?

Not really~

Not really here

Not really there

Not really stupid

Not really loving

Not really hateful

Not really apathetic

Not really caring

Not really vengeful

Not really needy

Not really wanting

Not really needing

Not really hungry

Not really gluttonous

Not really wanted

Not really……..



june 2008



April 21, 2008

Gold Nude

S. Rungis

I am fire

in the water

falling over

the air

that breathes me,

annihilates me.

Dividing me,

divining me

from the

fog that

held me


Now I

swim in

flames screaming


I cannot hear

the sound inside me;

its silence

overwhelms me.


Flaming Love

Doris B. Lambling

I Knew I Hurt

April 21, 2008

Gidrius Varnas

I ate the food;

Drank the drink,

I knew I hurt.

Took the pill,

Kept the job,

I knew I hurt

Did the therapy

Talked words~

I knew I hurt

Stinging words

Did not know.

I knew I hurt

I made friends

Who held me close

I knew I hurt

I loved him

The present absence

I knew I hurt

Sumptuously I cooked

Fed with love

I knew I hurt

I heard their music

I played in looks

I knew I hurt

Not me,

I whispered

I knew I hurt

I worked hard~

I said healing!

I knew I hurt

I loved the one,

Dancing in time.

I knew I hurt

Struggling in the fray,

Fucking in the moments~

I knew I hurt

But, I did not know


One night

Someone came.

Seeing me,

Speaking my


Ripped through

My Soul

Curled up fetal

On the bed

I knew I hurt

Through the opening

Wind howls

Abrading the hurt

With caresses

That ached

And stung

And bristled

And rebelled~

Till silence

Held me close.


Street Abandon

Elly Simmons

John Running

Then I Met You

Thought that I’d be happy
Going to be so happy
Living life alone and never sharing anything

Thought that I was finished
Thought that I was complete
Thought that I was whole instead of being half of something

Thought that I was growing
Growing older, wiser
Understanding why this world held nothing for my spirit

Thought that I was destined
Destined to be nothing
Destined to be nothing in this world and then I met you.

I met you

Thought that God had failed me
Thought my prayers were useless
Thought that he would never give the chance for me to praise him

Thought the book was written
Thought the game had ended
Thought the song was sung and I could never sing another

Thought my faith was misplaced
Thought my back was broken
Broken by a weight that I was never fit to carry

Thought I knew this city
Thought I knew all about it
And then one night I went to Morningside and you were waiting

I met you


The Proclaimers

Bruce My Last Sigh Flickr


No Words

March 29, 2008

Steven Gelberg





i have no words for this pain

that takes me from life

the living

the agony



has no outlet

no comforter

no listener

no compassion



this wordless soundless

wailing pain

that was so held

before this night



gone is the holding

gone is the loving

gone is what i

thought i had



i thought i knew



yesterday i knew

i could trust

i said allow yourself

to be loved




i am left


i do not


understand anything




the news

the world

the leaver



my friends

yes, my friends

i have no friends for this moment

unless you count the dead


i am a shitty friend

reaping what is

scattered and returns

as my due


i trust that he had to go

i trust that he loved me

i trust that i drove him mad

i trust that he too is just as scared as i am……..


or at least i dream this


i cannot speak for someone else


though i try

though i wish


to box it all up

to make sense of the senseless


this mind that cannot grasp

being told


i never wanted this love you give

i feel self hatred


i do not know why

i do not know the source


i sit here in nothing drowning



what is this place?


i do not know it


road map please


or just take me away








march 2008



November 20, 2007

…..wanders my life despite


~horrendous work pressure


~three weeks of migraines


~ a man who I knew should contact me, and did, as I was resting from risk-taking, stating to my questions: If you could invite five people to dinner, alive or not, famous or not, who would you invite and why? Included, me! Yet, in his Must Haves he clearly states the following: I must have a partner who is considered very attractive by most current standards. And, another must have was: I can’t stand someone who is overweight. I have written him, we are in open communication, and clearly stated that I am fat. I love life. Wonderment will get back to you on this ……..


~lack of money, lack of balanced diet, lack of balance, lack of a headlight on a suspended license, see lack of money, because it took me being pushed against the wall to register and pay taxes on the car I bought, oh!, see lack of money


~Wait! I have money it just leaves so quickly, we never talk anymore. Sigh.


~I think imbalance is a teacher, by the way, so there.


~I did not sleep last night. I slept this morning from 5 am to about 7:30. The night before a registration day, I am going to put that on my next resume under talents.


~And, to the short emails from my connections around the world, who touch me.


~To my advisee Jared, who clearly stated I need a younger man! Yea babeee……


~And to tonight’s movie, may it work this time, my third try from Netflix:


The Fantastic Planet!











November 18, 2007

Steven Gelberg has books and I want to share the link in case you are interested or are pondering how to find your way to my heart buy getting me one!

Steven Gelberg

And! Anwar has been busy boy. (I know, but I have a thing for alliteration!)

So, if you are in Paris stop by or if you feel like wooing me buy me a plane ticket to Paris!

Anwar Hossain:

May I have the pleasure of your company at the next three of

My film projections at Musee Guimet in Paris .

The details are highlighted in the Joint-file.

I would also love to invite you at the opening ceremony

Of my solo exhibition of photography “ VISIONS & LIGHTS

At the reception hall of Hospital Avicenne at Bobigny

On 13th December at 6.00 pm.

Sincerely yours

Photographer – Cinematographer
Tel: +33(0)1.4362.7784.


Photos from Anwar and Steven to cue your memory!




Anwar Hossain





Steven Gelberg

(Watching and Seeing)

Accordionist for Alpine Wedding~Riffleberg, Switzerland

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli




I am a solo artist in many ways, my marriage was more apart then in the same space, I have lived with significant others also. I am content with solitude and good love, in all forms. I also want to be open to what life is, umm, I think. I also like sex when it is in a true connection.

I am astounded, due to my own nature, at how people approach their need for connection.

Here is a run down:

Made it all the way to the send an 8000 character email part with one man, wrote what I thought was an articulate, considerate, energetic, inquiring and email. I took it sincerely, He closed the match, marked Other as his reason. He could have emailed me. For me, I think I will let my subscription slide, I have never seen so little risk taking in my life!

The flip side of this coin: I wrote a man and told him I did not think it would work between us. I needed more words, it is a language venue, and he and I were clearly different in that arena. He wrote back. Kim, whets the rush? If you need to close the match that is fine with me, but hey, we might have fun just writing. I wrote him back, he had a good point!

Another man, born in Italy, raised in India, when I wrote words in the messenger he responded and not with puzzlement. He asked me to call him, I did. He said he thought talking was not a good idea because his mind was in the gutter at that moment. My mistake, which I have apologized for, was to mislead myself into thinking I had cajoled him into talking. He hung up and shut his phone off, I know this because when asked he did indeed give a direct answer. I told him our communication styles were clearly incompatible.


Another man wrote me an energetic, loaded with question email based on viewing my profile on Yahoo Personals. It felt nice. We spoke on messenger and he has written more times than I can count that he wants to get close to my heart. Now we are dangling at the other end of the spectrum! I am a turtle plus I wonder how he already knows he wants this? He does not answer my questions. And, the last message said he missed me. Missed me? Who does he miss?

Wait, I am not done yet!

Another man messages me and said he liked my profile and was looking for a relationship. We finally talked and he clearly stated that he had never been married and was looking for the right woman, the one that would not hurt him. So, I inhaled, and gave him my take on life, hurt, healing, story and foundation. I mean, it was a conversation, yes? He said: You have been hurt, that is bad. I said, tell me about bad and what that means to you. Dead air. Finally, I wrote: Is there a problem? I thought we were having a conversation? No, I am thinking, he said. What are you thinking? Whether you are the right one for me. The, he logged off. Ahem.

Eharmony is guided communication and for me, when you finally get to the email part, there are things to say! Things to ask! Express! I do not go for the intimate entrails; I promise! The person who gets to write the first email varies based on who started the communication. I got my first email from a man that said: i am looking forward to getting to know you. Now, the sentiment is nice. And, yes, I realize we can’t all be compulsive expressive writer types, but it is a WRITING VENUE. I am at a loss. I will write him after I stop having rude reactions. He is probably doing the best he can and being rude in never something I seek. And, when I write back? I will ask questions. Will he answer?

What am I looking for? Well, we all know what we are looking for when we meet that energy. My goal is to stay open and see what is.


I will be officially taking a break from seeing what it is for a few days!

Bum Dee Dum…

I feel like watching—-Shark Tales! Finding Nemo!

I did watch a movie last night that had me in the seat: Celebration. Ouch!


Off to pizza, a lame mystery and some damn sleep.





Dalai Lama Sun Valley Idaho United States

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli


You should know…

October 25, 2007


…that I lie.

And, I like exceptionally long naps!

Work, teaching; I have even been exercising, cleaning, caring for a 23 year old dog who will be leaving me next Thursday.She will go in her own home with the vet, his wife, and Kim to see her off to the next part of her journey.

One thing about death: You should be able to call those who die.

Who do I write about that?

Someday, I will write another poem!

Hey, someone said my yahoo profile was beautifully written today, they used the word wrought. I think this should count. Oh wait, I wrote that over a year ago. Damn.

One more thing, fall is coming. If you feel like wooing me, send propane!

Hey, I had two dates with the same guy too! No go, but I learned a lot. I thought of Suresh a lot! Silence is a powerful conveyor. This man never shut up, it was a phenomena. He has many qualities, but no match.

I need a 3 year nap.


This is not a photo of Sammi the wonder dog but the canine spirit.



I see Sammi after next Thursday, trotting down the road. Here ears are bouncing! She is off to find the next moment.